The Death of Youth Group

Ok, so that was just a provactive title to get you here. I’d like to start off saying I don’t have all the answers. I’m only 23, I don’t have a masters in theology, and I’m not a youth pastor. I have been in youth ministry leadership for a number of years, have had the opportunity to meet and dialogue with some forward thinking and innovative Christian leaders, and have been a “youth group kid” since puberty first reeled its awkward head in my life.

In my conversations with people who are thinking about ways to aid and engage the next generation, the same theme always seems to permeate our dialogue:

We need to move away from creating systems and events and begin seeing people more as individuals. In short, mentorship is a much more effective way to foster and grow young Christians….but it’s also a greater sacrifice.

Think about someone you know who’s just a stellar Christian. They’re passionate, live a life of integrity, and allow that life to spill generously to others. Maybe that’s you. I’ll bet you anything they attribute their lifestyle to someone that once stepped outside their busy schedule and personally invested in them, someone they could tell anything to (even their deepest, darkest junk). I have a friend who told me with a straight face once that she felt so comfortable around her mentor that she could tell her something as horrible as she just murdered someone without feeling judged or condemned.

So after all these conversations, here’s a summary of what I’m starting to believe:

Perhaps the reason why youth ministry can often be ineffective is that it emphasizes “the event” far more than it understands the importance of mentorship. We go to Christian camps, host Christian concerts, invest in Christian coffee houses… all safe alternatives to the drug and alcohol driven events most high schoolers attend on the weekends. The tendency is to create this safe playpen for churched teenagers that doesn’t allow them to realistically engage the outside world with their faith (the world they have to live in the majority of the time they’re not sitting in youth group).

I’ve  grown so tired of the “just try harder” talk from speakers at youth camp. “You know, last year at camp you probably decided to get right with God, but I’m guessing you’ve done some backsliding since. Well, now it’s time to get right again. As the worship band comes up….etc, etc.”

Of course they’ve “done some backsliding!” Have you been to high school lately?! You got to be Rambo to survive. David Kinnaman calls it “the fractured generation.” Kids are cutting themselves, killing themselves, having casual sex in the bathroom, throwing up in the bathroom so they can look attractive enough for the causal sex they’re going to have later, taking advantage of the porn available to them on their cell phones, experimenting, tormenting, struggling, abusing, all the while desperately hanging on without a seatbelt to a chaotic hormonal rollercoaster.

We can’t keep spending money on blow-up games and new wings in our churches for coffee houses cleverly titled “Higher Grounds” without backing it all up with some serious substance. We all need people in our lives older and wiser than us: people who won’t BS us, people who will kick our butts when we need it (never when we’re down),  people who refuse to give up on us, and people who will constantly point us toward Jesus.

…And that takes effort, investment, sacrifice, space, and time… .all those things we love to hear we need more of.   

Those of you who know me know I’m REALLY good at doing all that above stuff.
But I’m going to start making this a priority. Maybe you’re thinking you can’t mentor someone because you don’t have your own stuff together. I used to think that for a long time, but then I look at every leader in the Bible (Moses, David, Peter, Paul to name a few) and all their screw-ups and I’m encouraged.

A pretty successful author/speaker/pastor recently told me that on a particular day, he had the opportunity to either speak to 1,000 people about his new book or hang out with a couple of young guys at Starbucks just to talk and be available….he chose the latter….We need more guys like that… a lot more.

People and Organizations Committed to Mentoring the Next Generation:

Donald Miller: The Mentorship Project
Deadly Viper Character Assassins
Project Hangout